It’s the weekend. The Silly Season.That wonderful time of year between Memorial Day and Columbus Day.It should be our quiet season. Kids out of school. People flocking to the beach. Quiet time. Our reward for working through another New England winter.

Tisn’t so, dear Rescuer. Weekends are full of Block Parties, Kids Fairs and the dreaded Walk a Thons.

Walk -a-thons are traffic jams disguised as fund-raisers.

Here’s the pitch; “ I ‘m walking in the HammerToe Walk-a-thon. I’m going to walk through your town, leave a trail of plastic bottles and yogurt containers and bring your traffic to a virtual standstill until Monday morning. Please give me money,”

How can you argue with that ?

All ‘athons must begin on the Esplanade or Common and must follow Beacon St. or Storrow Dr.

There are no walk-a-thons in Dover, Deluxebury, Hamilton or Carlisle.

Walk-a-thons must provide “aid stations” where you are given more bottled water and yogurt.

The folks at the Aid Station will call you an ambulance if you show up with blisters, sunburn or fatigue as these are not common when you walk twenty miles on pavement in the blistering heat.

The folks who call for the ambulance won’t know exactly where they are, as they hail from Dover, Deluxebury, Hamilton and Carlisle.

They will call several times, not understanding that you are driving through the traffic jam they created.

The person with the blister will insist on going to the hospital on the other side of the walk-a-thon.

Those districts that do not have walk-a-thons will have block parties or kids fairs. This too will be covered “in service”. This is part of the management’s new “more with less" program.

If and when you make it to the Block Party or kids fair, you will probably find the BPD Officer Friendly and the BFD Smoke House. Those are not “in service” units. The BPD and BFD, apparently, are not on the “More with Less’ Program, Imagine…

More with less” looks great on paper and in budget hearings. In real-life EMS it’s a joke.

You can’t ride people like rented mules, beat them like baby seals then feign surprise when they break down or don’t want to come in and work a double.

.

The solution is obvious. Staff Up. More personnel, more trucks, stop the nasty overtime jones. Cut down on the constant OT and the details will be filled. Easily. Maybe even some REAL trucks to cover your ‘a-thons, block parties and kids fairs…instead of smoke and mirrors.

Late Trips…

Stryker makes a stair chair (actually three) we’re hoping to have them available for Sept. rounds.

Was I dreaming or did I really hear BFD say they need to hire more women because they have to decon more women past 9-11? Who writes their stuff? Cup’o’Joe to the best acronym for that unit.

You can’t cover a BLS truck with a recruit truck…or an ALS truck. Truth.

There’s a special place in hell for folks who use the ambulance for monetary, political or emotional gain or emphasis. “Brothers” in uniform take special note.

The Sox celebrated EMS week by hosting 100 firemen. Nice.

I want my A-4 Go ahead…Say it…Feels good, huh?

The Leonard P Zakim/Bunker Hill Bridge. Too long, too clumsy. The El Pee Zee? It sings like a suspension bridge.

What’s to be done about mid-day madness? Seems every workday from 11-1 we run out of ambulances. Zero, Zip, Nada. It certainly doesn’t help that we seem to be covering the privates’ code 10’s during these hours.

Work the Fourth if you possibly can. We’re going to need all hands this year.

Laura Ryan. Mondays. 7 PM Local Channel 9. Tune in.. You’ve already seen Seinfeld.

As I recall, the Privates have to get a lot of their con-ed on their own time with their own money. Think you could put on a clean uniform, show up on time and lose the steak and cheese? Thanks.

EMT’s like Basketball. Lieutenants enjoy Football. Medics prefer Baseball while Deputies like Golf. The moral? The higher your rank, the smaller your balls. (With apologies to 105.7)

That’s all I have. Drive safely. Remember that it’s not medicine, it’s theatre! Enjoy the Dave Clark Five!

TAG.