Welcome, class of 2001-1. You have just completed a training course that has no equal in EMS. In length and content it far eclipses the industry standard which is still “a couple of weeks orientation.”

As Cadets, your journey has been especially long, beginning in March of 2001 and ending over a year later with 30 hours of field internship. You have been well prepared.

Congratulations, you are now the New Guy, which of course comes with its’ own designated expletive.

For the time being you will be blamed for everything from the empty main O2 to global warming. I was once held personally liable for the faulty transmission in A-3 and the Arab Oil Embargo.

I can only tell you that in the next 2-5 years you will find yourself running the hottest calls routinely and wondering “How the hell did I get here?”

With that in mind, I thought I would give you some unsolicited advice while you are still willing to listen.

Most of us “veterans” are not the anti-social, whining sociopaths we appear to be. (A few of us really are) Give us a chance to have our first cup o’Joe and go through our pre-flight routines and we’re nearly human.

When you relieve me, it would be great if it were a little before the Dick Clark ten-second countdown to the end of the shift. 15 minutes is cool, anymore and I may adopt you and put you in my will.

When I say’ the trucks ok” I mean it’s okay for ME ‘cause I don’t have to be in it for at least 16 hours. You should check it out before you get too comfortable on the couch.

Don’t take it personally if I forget your name or badge number. I’ve had the two same partners for years and I can’t keep them straight. Someday you’ll be old, too.

Assume that you’ll be in the back. Maybe if I’m desperate for entertainment I’ll ask you to drive. If you’re new to my district, ask me to show you around. Most of us are more than happy to help out.

Don’t expect me to carry everyone and put everyone on O2. By the same token, if someone needs it you don’t need my permission. Not all veterans walk people or practice sloppy medicine. Most of us are keenly aware of what needs to be done medically. We’re also aware of the way things look. You see medicine, I see theatre.

What Capt. O’Connor said about “Break it and they’ll give you another one just like it” does not apply to my truck. It’s actually an old preceptor saying and refers to recruits.

Take care of the babies and old folks, sometimes we’re all they’ve got. (Someone said this to me when I was a FNG and it still applies)

Be nice to the drunks, the druggies and the homeless. EVERYONE is mean to these folks. I know sometimes (Like at shift change) this is hard. That’s what makes us special.

Speaking of drunks, beware! Nothing muddies the diagnostic waters like alcohol. No one is “just drunk” until they sober up and their blood alcohol level comes back. Find a copy of Brian Pomodoro's Change in mental status lecture and refer to it religiously.

Take people to the hospital. That’s what people expect, That’s what you’re paid to do.

You can do a call without ALS or a supervisor. You can. You really can.

If you’re meeting ALS on the way to the hospital, your patient had better be in extremis.

Speaking of extremis. There’s a difference between hypoventilating (as in a narcotic o/d) and agonal (as in extremis). You need to understand and recognize this before you give your update.

When you get to the bad one, and you will, act and sound as if you’ve done it a hundred times. If you scream on the radio, people will make fun of you.

If you’re really stumped on a call, ask me for help. I’m still learning stuff every day.

Don’t tell me you were a Paramedic at XZY Ambulance. If I want your resume, I’ll ask for a copy. As a preceptor, I’ve sent “Paramedics” back to XYZ.

Always opt for the busy truck. You need the work.

You don’t have to take the top of the chair. But if you do so successfully you will get the reputation of someone “who can carry”. Do not underestimate the value of this.

Each truck has its own culture; it’s own way of doing things. See something you like? That works for you? File it away for future reference. This is how you develop your own style.

Find the Ambulance Guys puff piece on winter in the most recent PAX and take note of his thoughts on blankets and temperature. (What! You don’t subscribe to the PAX?)

Come summer, you will need to work OT so that other folks can go home. Even when you don’t feel like it. No one takes care of us. We need to take care of each other.

Do your own calls. Do your own calls. Do your own calls.

Have some fun! This is the best job you’ll ever have. Enjoy this time. Before you realize it, you’ll be a whining anti-social veteran, complaining about the FNG.

Did you catch a lot of flack from your friends in public safety over “our guy” being the Grand Marshall of the Pat’s Victory Parade?

My moles tell me that management played fast and loose with a bid position on evenings. Rumor has it someone was moved from a bid slot ‘cause they didn’t want “two girls” working together. If it’s true, I hope all the women are sufficiently outraged.

Are you happy with your stair chair? With all the changes in EMS, I’m still using the chair I used twenty years ago. Is this the best we can do? Someone needs to do to the stair chair what Stryker did for the wheeled cot. Maybe us. The Boston Chair. Has a nice ring to it. .

What about your O2 carrier? Got a better idea ? Send it to the Ambulance Guy and we’ll pass it on to Paul Colon.

It’s nice to have eight more warm bodies, but we’re going to need more than that to put up an A -4 and an A-17. We’re putting Sesame St. Band-Aids on pumpers.

The original Precepting agreement stated that Precepting trucks would not replaces standing units. The problem being when one EMT precepts his partner would become defacto spare when the truck went down .Precepting trucks should complement standing trucks and should only replace them under extreme circumstances (the truck goes OOS or the OT cannot be filled under standard practice) In these lean fiscal times we need to keep a watchful eye on this.

I hope the new Sox owners treat us better than the old regime.

Answer: Roche Bros. and New Balance new headquarters.

Question: Where should we have two new ambulance satellites? (today)

Makes you think people are looking for satellites like OJ is looking for the killer.

The new Silver Line will open this year. I still miss the old Orange Line. Remember the noise it made on those turns into Dudley? Remember those crashes into the supports on Washington St.?

I miss the old South End with its rooming houses and characters.

There’s a new upscale butcher shop on Washington St. in the New Fashionable South End. In the window is a sign that says, “Skirt Steak”

I gotta tell ya, in the old South End that had a whole 'nothah meaning.

That’s all I have, drive safely and tip your waiters and waitresses! Enjoy David Clayton Thomas!